I should be writing a paper on German Expressionism and how it is reflected in Cam’ron’s most recent mixtape, Public Enemy #1, but whatever this is more important.

THE STORY: One target. Two creeps. Only one will survive. Starring Phil with Mad Game as the Referee.

THE RULES:

1. You do not talk about the mack-off.
2. You do not talk about the mack-off.
3. Getting the target drunk and going to work is not only allowed, it is encouraged.
4. Sabotaging the other’s game is allowed (includes but is not limited to: destroying clothes, poisoning, baby eating)

Actually. That’s pretty much it.
I’m totally gonna take this shit I KNOW IT.
updates to follow…

Categories: collabo, bonertalk, R Kelly, foot tap, ancient wisdom, liz = d i c
1 Comment »

re: my existence
kat: yeah, but no one’s calling me. i wonder why?
benj: maybe it’s because you’re a deceitful bitch.
(6 months later)
kat: you’re doing it on purpose
kat: why do you hate me
benj: because youre a deceitful bitch

Categories: it's just a fact, i didn't know you speak freedom, ancient wisdom, self-loathing
5 Comments »

• being classy is expensive.
• being broke is not classy.
• college is not doing anything to make me more classy (ie, less broke.)
• You will never be smarter than me.
• Ryan Seacrest is controlling your mind.

That is all.

Categories: ancient wisdom, self-loathing
5 Comments »

This post is courtesy of svenge.com owner (and my sister), Meredith. Below is a letter sent to the editor of my (shitty) hometown newspaper. All side comments written within the article were made by Meredith and are endorsed by Error 404.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ‘MAKEOVER’ TAPE?
Dear Editor,

I am going to make an unusual request. I will explain it thoroughly so that somebody reading this request will see fit to contact me. Some time ago, “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” selected a home in Bergenfield to make over. I thought that this was going to be telecast as a two-hour, two-parter, the season opener for the program. The home is located on New Bridge Road, which I sometimes take to get to Pathmark. Thus I was inconvenienced twice by having to take a detour down streets that were not designed or built with such traffic in mind.

Also, each time I return from Pathmark I pass the new house. Thus, I want to see an episode where Mr. Ty Pennington created all of the commotion. Unfortunately, I missed it. I tuned in for what I thought was the season opener, only to find Ty Pennington squawk that they were in Nome, Alaska. (He couldn’t be farther away from New Jersey.) The next week, I don’t know where he went, but we don’t parade around in cowboy hats here. And so it was week after week after week.

I wanted my mother to see it, but sadly ABC has stalled so long to repeat it that she passed away without having a chance to see it. The fact that I missed it was not entirely my fault. “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” relies on strident sensationalism and sob stories, so I was not in the habit of watching the show. I also no longer subscribe to TV Guide, as it kept making changes that made it harder and more frustrating to use. I might have easily spotted the show in listings had TV Guide not modified its format to one that is now useless to me, and discouraged me from using TV Guide.

I have just about lost hope of ABC showing this episode now. This is why I am making an unusual request for somebody in this area who has taped the show to contact me and arrange for me to come to their home to watch the tape, or to come to my home with the tape. I would really appreciate this. I hope that the person or persons who did tape the episode of “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” isn’t in the habit of leaving the Twin-Boro News molder [wtf?] in the street, as too many do. And if they do read it, I hope they haven’t erased the tape since.

Sincerely,

Paul R. Wilson

END LETTER
My conclusion is that Extreme Makover: Home Edition killed Paul’s mother. I can also reassure everyone who reads this blog (all 3 of you) that any road in NJ is made to handle “such traffic”. Does he drive a fucking tank? Honestly.

Categories: cowboy hats, Mer, great use of the english language, ancient wisdom, self-loathing, diabeetus
7 Comments »

And just like that, another child saved!

Categories: great use of the english language, ancient wisdom
2 Comments »