Archive for the 'great use of the english language' category
Picture of a shorty educationless
January 24, 2008 4:12 pmSo every day AU sends out AU TODAY newsletters to update the campus on shit. Today’s included this:
“Say Never Again to Genocide” Rally Info Meeting. Darfur Action (a chapter of STAND: The Student Anti-Genocide Coalition) is planning a “Never Again” rally to take place this Holocaust Remembrance weekend at the Capitol, and we need your help. Come today, January 24, at 8:00 p.m. to the Clark Conference Room (the building behind the library) to get involved. Do you have activist, art, Web site, business, set up, outreach, or any other skills? We need you. Help us spread the message that we need to make genocide a thing of memory by standing up and stopping atrocities in Sudan. [insert email here] for more information.
Respectable cause. But look again.
“Say Never Again to Genocide” Rally Info Meeting. Darfur Action (a chapter of STAND: The Student Anti-Genocide Coalition) is planning a “Never Again” rally to take place this Holocaust Remembrance weekend at the Capitol, and we need your help. Come today, January 24, at 8:00 p.m. to the Clark Conference Room (the building behind the library) to get involved. Do you have activist, art, Web site, business, set up, outreach, or any other skills? We need you. Help us spread the message that we need to make genocide a thing of memory by standing up and stopping atrocities in Sudan. E-mail [insert email here] for more information.
Activist skills. Which just translates to a sense of superiority, right?
Set up skills. Doesn’t that just mean manual labor? (in that case, no I don’t have set up skills. I’m lazy).
Outreach skills. Meaning you know how to whore your cause? I don’t get it.
I don’t now. I guess he or she tacked on “skills” to a bunch of things that aren’t really skills and thought that would be OK. But it’s not. Abusing the english language like that isn’t going to help prevent genocide when it makes me want to kill the entire activist race. Fuck.
Free celebrity cameltoe? Count me in!
December 30, 2007 4:10 pmINTARWEB FUNTIMEZ.
October 22, 2007 10:07 pmI feel like love is in the kitchen with a culinary eye
October 14, 2007 10:22 pmB my butcher tonite- w4m
Reply to:
Date: 2007-10-14, 10:13PM EDT
Tonite you can fulfill my fantasy. Just cum 2 my house in only a hairnet, an apron and your socks.
I’ll provide the rest.
First you will cut the pastrami with my Bosch Deli Meat Slicer. While you are doing this i will slowly strip. You will slice the meat paper thin as if it were prosciutto. When i am nude, you will place the pastrami all over my nude body. When every inch of my being is covered, you will slather my face and hair with thousand island dressing. You will lick the dressing off of my face and smear it onto 6 pieces of rye bread with the tip of your tongue.
At this point, i will pop out an opened can of sauerkraut from my vagina. You will scoop it out of the can and spread a thick layer over the pastrami that is still covering my nude body. Finally, you will gather the 6 pieces of rye bread and make sandwiches out of the pastrami and sauerkraut that is sprawled across my nude body. We will eat them together over wine and the sounds of Kenny G.
Serious inquiries only.
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- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID:
Idaho? No, U da ho
September 19, 2007 1:56 pmIdaho Man Blames Wild Sex for Car Crash
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
MOSCOW, Idaho — A 22-year-old carnival worker blames two friends having sexual intercourse in the back seat of his car for an accident in which his Chevrolet S-10 Blazer struck a telephone pole.
Joshua D. Frank, who is living in a trailer parked on the Latah County Fairgrounds, pleaded guilty Monday to a misdemeanor charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. That’s after he left the vehicle at the site of the mishap. He was fined $188.
Frank told Moscow Police Department officers that he was driving the vehicle near downtown early Saturday while a man and woman were having sex in the rear of the vehicle.
According to a probable cause affidavit, Frank told authorities that the actions of the pair in the back caused the Blazer, which “was top heavy anyway,” to become “tippy” and lose control.
Frank left the accident scene with a minor head wound and returned to his trailer.
The other two occupants of the vehicle were treated for injuries, according to the affidavit, though further information on their condition wasn’t available.
————
So much is wrong with this article: dude is a Carnie, the repeated mention of his trailer to remind you just how trashy he is, and other trash-tasticness. My favorite part, though, is when Mr. Frank refers to his car as being “top heavy”. Throw Some D’s?
The reason I’m writing this post, though, is to officially declare Idaho as the winner of Sexiest State 2007. First Larry Craig, now this? Congratulations, Idaho. You have truly earned it.
Toot Toot: Mama’s boy on the road
September 12, 2007 9:04 pmThis post is courtesy of svenge.com owner (and my sister), Meredith. Below is a letter sent to the editor of my (shitty) hometown newspaper. All side comments written within the article were made by Meredith and are endorsed by Error 404.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ‘MAKEOVER’ TAPE?
Dear Editor,
I am going to make an unusual request. I will explain it thoroughly so that somebody reading this request will see fit to contact me. Some time ago, “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” selected a home in Bergenfield to make over. I thought that this was going to be telecast as a two-hour, two-parter, the season opener for the program. The home is located on New Bridge Road, which I sometimes take to get to Pathmark. Thus I was inconvenienced twice by having to take a detour down streets that were not designed or built with such traffic in mind.
Also, each time I return from Pathmark I pass the new house. Thus, I want to see an episode where Mr. Ty Pennington created all of the commotion. Unfortunately, I missed it. I tuned in for what I thought was the season opener, only to find Ty Pennington squawk that they were in Nome, Alaska. (He couldn’t be farther away from New Jersey.) The next week, I don’t know where he went, but we don’t parade around in cowboy hats here. And so it was week after week after week.
I wanted my mother to see it, but sadly ABC has stalled so long to repeat it that she passed away without having a chance to see it. The fact that I missed it was not entirely my fault. “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” relies on strident sensationalism and sob stories, so I was not in the habit of watching the show. I also no longer subscribe to TV Guide, as it kept making changes that made it harder and more frustrating to use. I might have easily spotted the show in listings had TV Guide not modified its format to one that is now useless to me, and discouraged me from using TV Guide.
I have just about lost hope of ABC showing this episode now. This is why I am making an unusual request for somebody in this area who has taped the show to contact me and arrange for me to come to their home to watch the tape, or to come to my home with the tape. I would really appreciate this. I hope that the person or persons who did tape the episode of “Extreme Makeover — Home Edition” isn’t in the habit of leaving the Twin-Boro News molder [wtf?] in the street, as too many do. And if they do read it, I hope they haven’t erased the tape since.
Sincerely,
Paul R. Wilson
END LETTER
My conclusion is that Extreme Makover: Home Edition killed Paul’s mother. I can also reassure everyone who reads this blog (all 3 of you) that any road in NJ is made to handle “such traffic”. Does he drive a fucking tank? Honestly.
Wait, What?
September 11, 2007 9:59 amAs seen on my refrigerator
September 7, 2007 3:20 pm
And just like that, another child saved!
